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"Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say “ I want you ” is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the lust of power and the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to “fake it” with. That's right none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us... Some women hate it so much you can hear them vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights… but the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts."
- Shelley Lubben, former porn actress
The above statement is from one of many ex-pornstars whose fans thought that they LOVED being in the porn industry. After I shared my own testimony, and experiences in the porn industry, online, I received messages from numerous men, apologetically explaining that the reason they watched porn was because they thought that the women enjoyed making it. Undoubtedly, most people who watch porn are under this assumption, but many ex-pornstars (and current pornstars, I am certain) would disagree with that assumption. I am speaking for them today – for those whose experience in porn was not a fantasy, but a nightmare. Having said that, I just want to explain that in no way do I blame any of the men who view pornography. The truth is, they have been deceived, and taken in by the lie....the lie that the porn industry continues to perpetuate.
In an interview with 60 Minutes, Luke Ford, blogger and former pornography gossip columnist, said “Most girls who enter this industry do one video and quit. The experience is so painful, horrifying, embarrassing, humiliating for them that they never do it again.” Those who do remain in the industry recount experiences of horror and absolute degradation. In all of my experience, I have yet to meet a single girl who actually enjoyed making porn.
The following statements are from former pornstars who have come forward with their own testimonies:
"Over the course of my porn career I have been belittled and treated like a piece of trash more than I could have ever imagined in a lifetime I would. I wasn't a woman in any of these directors eyes, I was nothing to them. The male talent at times were nice, but sometimes, they were horrible. I've had men choke me, slap me, thrust me so hard until I couldn't walk and this would happen even after I would tell them to stop. They have no respect for women."
- Ex-pornstar Erin Moore
"My first scene was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was very scary. It was a very rough scene. My agent didn’t let me know ahead of time. I did it and I was crying and they didn’t stop. It was really violent. He was hitting me. It hurt. It scared me more than anything. They wouldn’t stop. They just kept rolling. They lied and told me they would stop but rough scenes with women are good footage they said.
The scenes you see in porn aren’t fun at all and certainly doesn’t feel good at all. You just do it. They don’t care about no matter how big in porn you are. To be blunt, shooting a scene is not easy for the girls. It’s not enjoyable. It’s not a great time. Girls are getting hurt. It’s emotionally and physically trying. If you knew what people were going through, you wouldn’t like it as much. You wouldn’t watch it if you had to see everything. It’s just brutal sex to make porn companies rich."
- Ex-Pornstar Sierra Sinn
"The porn industry was a shock. My first two scenes I didn’t know what to do. I just stabilized and went along with what everyone else was doing. After that, I was like, throw me in I’m ready to go. My scenes involved extreme videos with very hard sex acts with several performers at the same time. “I’m just tired of the industry. The way they treat you as though we are just a piece of meat. That we don’t have a mind and our body is everybody’s and we have no soul. Guys punching you in the face..You get ripped. Your insides can come out of you. It’s never ending. You’re viewed as an object and not as a human with a spirit. People don’t care. People do drugs because they can’t deal with the way they are being treated.
- Ex-pornstar Jersey Jaxin
"No matter what a guy says about adult entertainment work, sex with hot girls or not, each act that compromises your instinct to want good character and integrity drives your self-esteem further to the ground. But yet I couldn't quit. I used excuses like 'The publicity will help my music career' or 'I'm not good for anything else anyway.' The only word that can describe the situation is INSANITY!"
– Former porn actor VJ Soporno
Ex-pornstar Elizabeth Rollings describes a particularly traumatic scene she did with 25 performers:
"When I got on the set I felt really sick to my stomach. I wanted to turn around and run when I walked through the door and saw all the male porn stars and film crew standing there. I zoned out and wanted it to be over. I kept saying to myself, "this is going to be over in an hour. You can do it.". I wanted to break down and cry but I hid behind my fake smile.
During the movie I mentally and emotionally checked out and felt like I died. I don't remember real well the pain and trauma I went through....It was horrible. My body was sore the next couple of days and I wasn't right mentally for two weeks after that. I wasn't able to use to the bathroom right either. My internal system was totally messed up."
Ex-pornstar Becca Bratt, who has done over 200 movies, speaks out on her experience in the porn industry: "Looking back on it, I was so miserable. How could I have let anybody talk me into saying what a good thing it was? Once you get into the industry and you're working to make a living and you don't see any way out, you put on this big show. You become Becca Brat. It's a different person. The hardest part of leaving the industry was finding Karly again, remembering who Karly was because I was Becca for so long."
Ex-pornstar Crissy Moran, on her MySpace blog, writes: "I went through more heartbreaks and became suicidal. I was taken to the hospital for panic attacks. I tried to overdose on xanax, strangle myself, and cut my wrists but not nearly deep enough. I was too scared of the pain. I prayed God would just take me away! I felt helpless. I even went to church for a few months but the guilt I felt was overwhelming that I would feel as if I were choking when I was at church. I had to choose and once again I chose to continue sinning. It was easier and I needed the money."
These are just a few of the pornstars who "loved" making porn. There are plenty more. In a recent interview with Diane Sawyer, pornstar Belladonna, who has become one of the most successful pornstars in the business, talks about her suicide attempts and abuses in the porn industry, all the while wearing a smile. When Diane Sawyer asks her how she can smile through all of it, she breaks down and responds: "Because I just want people to see how happy I am, when I am anything but." Again, just because a girl is smiling on camera doesn't mean that she is happy or enjoying herself.
The truth is, life in porn is a very unhappy and empty existence. You become trapped in a life that you hate, and you lose sight of who you truly are. In an interview with Luke Ford, Jersey Jaxin said: (The performers) have to numb themselves... There are specific doctors in this industry if you go in for a common cold, they'll give you vicodin, viagra, anything you want because all they care about is money. You are a number. You're bruised. You have black eyes. You're ripped. You're torn. You have your insides coming out of you. It's not pretty and foofoo on set. You get hurt.
Many girls in porn leave the industry with heavy emotional scars, and oftentimes, it takes years to recover. It isn't until they come out of the industry that they are able to admit how much they hated their experience, because all the while they are in it, they have to hide behind their fake smile. 20 suicides and 28 drug related deaths have occurred in the porn industry since the year 2000. This does not include the attempted suicides by countless others in the industry. I myself never attempted suicide, but I did struggle with severe depression and mental illness for years after leaving the porn industry. I would cut myself and tell myself how worthless I was. Being pimped out by my own husband was the utmost degradation. There isn't a doubt in my mind that my condition was brought on by my experience in porn.
When the deaths of 129 porn performers over a period of roughly 20 years were analyzed it was discovered that were an unusually large number of premature deaths from such causes as drugs, suicide, murder, alcohol abuse, accidental death, and disease. It was also discovered that the average life expectancy of a porn performer is only 37.43 years whereas the average life expectancy of an American is 78.1 years. - Pink Cross Foundation
The truth is, suicide and drug abuse is so prevalent in the industry because the level of human misery is so high. Being in porn is not an enjoyable experience, nor is there any happiness to be found in the industry.
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