Hello there my brother in Jesus, My name is Patrick.

This battle of mine has been going on for about a year or two now. I started masturbating in about 8th grade, but did not find out that it was a sin, and hurtful to my wife of the future until about the end of my sophomore year-which was just about two years ago. That is when this battle started. I realized I needed the grace of God, I needed confession, I needed Jesus in anyway possible. I went to confession for the first time in about 5 years last school year (2008-2009). Ever since then it has been the most depressing, but uplifting battle I have ever faced. I go to weekly confession most of the time.

But the Devil somehow finds his way in. He knows how to get to me, but NO! God and I beat him in the end. The longest I have gone since the battle started is about 2 weeks, but I went on a retreat this last weekend:literally 2 days ago, and God moved in me. I lost the battle yesterday, but luckily, the grace of God was given to me today and I was able to go to confession a few hours ago. PRAISE JESUS!

I started writing a blog yesterday. I pray the rosary every night. I read my Bible as much as possible. I experience God in my life, and I make Him present as much as possible. My youth minister constantly reminds me about my future wife. She is like my sister, and I share everything with her...EVERYTHING. She helps me get through the good times, and is always there for me in the not so good times.

My confession today gave me such an insane God-high, I do not remember the last time I was filled with so much joy and happiness to start this battle again. I am so glad to be able to get this out and let my brothers and sisters know that they are not alone. I go nights with crying because this battle truly wears me down. Sometimes I do not know how to keep going, or how I even keep it up, after so much trying, with so much failure.

The incredible fact that gets me through it all is Jesus. I love Him. With all of my heart. My focus is on Him, and the battle is just beginning. The devil and his demons have nothing on God, myself, and all of my brothers.

I love you all. Many prayers. Much Peace. Praying for you all, and I would love prayers as this battle starts.

In His good and gracious name,

Patrick McCarthy