Men

What does pornography do to a man? For starters, it robs him of the capacity to be a man. The essence of manhood consists in readiness to deny oneself for the good of a beloved. This is why Paul reminds husbands in his Letter to the Ephesians that their love must be like that of Christ, who allowed himself to be crucified for the sake of his beloved, the Church (Eph. 5:21–33).

Pornography defeats this calling. Ask yourself: Wouldn't it infuriate you if a guy looked at your daughter or wife in the same way he looked at pornography? Instead of denying himself for the good of the woman, a man, through the use of porn, denies the woman her dignity in order to satisfy his lust. In essence, pornography is a rejection of our calling to love as God loves. It is no wonder that those who use it are never satisfied. Only love satisfies.

Pornography gradually cripples a man's ability to love. It is impossible to love a fantasy, but living in a world of fantasy allows a guy to escape from reality and evade the demands of authentic love. In a way, the fact that pornography allows men to indulge their lust without having to worry about pregnancy or STDs is part of the problem. It encourages him to live in a world in which sexuality offers only pleasure without meaning or consequences, in which "no one gets pregnant, no one catches a disease, no one shows signs of guilt, fear, remorse, embarrassment, or distrust. No one suffers from the sexual activities of others and the men, at least, are always carefree, unrestrained. . . . The priority of lovingly protecting one's partner is of little concern in pornography because no harm seems possible."⁽¹⁾

Simply put, pornography is the renunciation of love. As the writer Christopher West said, "[Pornography] seeks to foster precisely those distortions of our sexual desires that we must struggle against in order to discover true love."⁽²⁾ For the person who indulges in porn, the purpose of sex becomes the satisfaction of the erotic "needs," not the communication of life and love. Pornography drives a man to value a woman only for what she gives him rather than for the person she is.

Some guys will slough this all off, saying, "Boys will be boys," or "I'm just appreciating the beauty of womanhood," or "I like the articles in the magazine." Sometimes they will realize how unconvincing these arguments are, and they'll become resentful, saying, "You want to repress sexuality and rob women of their freedom. It's unhealthy for you to have such little appreciation for women!" This resentment has found its way to the billboards and titles of the strip clubs, which advertise the establishment as a "gentleman's club" for "adult entertainment." Having the word "gentleman" or "adult" associated with a strip club is nothing less than fascinating. Why would a man feel the need to justify that his behavior is mature and gentlemanly? Can you call to mind any time where an adult needed to remind others that he was mature? Or can you think of any activity on earth where a gentleman needs to announce that he is one? Usually actions speak for themselves. Besides, a gentleman doesn't need to pay women to pretend that they like him.

So even when a man's lack of self-control makes him resemble a boy and nothing in his behavior is reconcilable with the title "gentleman," he still feels a need to identify with authentic manhood. This is because no matter how much we fall, Christ has still stamped into our being the call to love like Jesus. If only we can untwist the lies and humbly come before the Lord in all of our woundedness, he will raise us up and make us into true men.

Consider this quote from an honest man

"I  absolutely dread hotels. I always eat a long leisurely supper, stalling before returning to my room because I know what's coming. Before too long I have the TV remote in my hand. I tell myself it'll only be for a minute, but I know I'm lying.

I know what I really want, I'm hoping to catch a little sex scene or two as I search the channels. I tell myself that I'll only watch for a while, or that I'll stop before I get carried away. Then my motor gets going and I lust for more, even turning to the X rated channel. The RPM's are going so high I have to do something or it feels like my engine will blow. So I masturbate.

On a few occasions I fight it, but if I do, later on when I turn the lights out, I'm flooded by lustful thoughts and desires I stare wide eyed at the ceiling. I see nothing but I literally feel the bombardment, the throbbing desire. I have no way to get to sleep and it's killing me. So I say "okay, if I masturbate I'll have peace and I can finally get to sleep", so I do and guess what, I still can't get to sleep. I wake up totally exhausted in the morning."

- Wally (A business man and frequent traveler)

1. Wetzel, Sexual Wisdom, 72.
2. West, Good News About Sex and Marriage, 84.
some of the content from this page has been adapted from www.pureloveclub.com by author Jason Evert